Three Cheers for Karachi University

Now that the university of Karachi has conferred an honorary doctorate degree on Mr. Rehman Malik (Now Dr. Rehman Malik) for his “matchless services to the country in the war on terror and particularly in restoring peace to citizens of Karachi,” I suggest that the following people should also be immediately bestowed with such honorary degrees because after all, justice delayed is justice denied.

1. Meera for her “matchless services to the English language in the war of errors and thus taking revenge from the goras who ruined our languages during their rule.”

2. Dr. Amir Liaqat Hussain for his “matchless services to religion and particularly in exposing the gullibility of innocent Pakistanis.”

3. Veena Malik for her “topless…I mean matchless services to….now what was his name….I keep forgetting…. in the war of the ……you get the point, don’t you!”

4. Sahir Lodhi and his sister for their “matchless services to the country’s people in the war on common sense and particularly for restoring hope to all those who wanted to be on TV but thought their lack of talent wouldn’t allow them.”

5. Muhammad Asif, Muhammad Amir and Salman Butt for their “services during the match to the fixers in the war on fair play and particularly for restoring Pakistan’s image as cheaters.”

6. Firdous Ashiq Awan for her “matchless services to science in the war on intelligence and particularly for discovering the deep link between holidays and population growth.”

7. Asif Ali Zardari for his “matchless services to himself in the war on Pakistanis and particularly for helping the people realize that whatever their condition, something worse is always possible.”

8. Mian Nawaz Sharif for his “matchless services to Asif Ali Zardari in the war of confusion and particularly for setting the world record for most U turns in one term.”

9. The top News channels for their “matchless services to the nation in the war on truth and particularly for breaking news and journalism with a single blow.”

10. My mechanic for his “matchless services to me and particularly for restoring my car after an accident.”

If anyone at the Karachi University thinks that this piece is in bad taste, my answer is simple.

“YOU STARTED IT.”