Again Head Over Heels
I have always tried very hard to be kind and considerate to people who love me and more so to those who do not. I believe that maybe I would be able to feel the same passion and connection if I put in enough effort. But no amount of effort is ever sufficient to override the complete lack of compatibility. Where one facet matched, everything else was a mismatch. I am always exhausted at the amount of exertion I put in to satiate my companion’s wishes with the absolute lack of fulfillment for my heart and soul. It is always my heart walking away bruised and my intelligence insulted at the lack of initiative and drive in the men in my life. I am always performing beyond my level best and still aiming higher when I get way less than average reciprocation.
I have been telling my heart for the longest time that the prince charming it is seeking does not exist. My heart has been reiterating its blind faith in a man whom I have never met. At this point in life I have succumbed to being a dreamer who believes in fairy tales and hopeless romantic stories. And in reality, I deny myself everything that would make me happy. I have been making too many right turns, no wonder I am so lost. But as I said, all this is a thing of the past.
I am finally, head over heels in love with someone. The dreamy, dazed feeling where days and nights merge in an aura of euphoria is here. All I think of is somehow connected to him. The sunrise is beautiful because he is the first person who wakes me up at dawn and talks to me while I am still half asleep. The feeling of waking up from a dream of someone to his presence is pure ecstasy. It is the complete satisfaction of love reciprocated one hundred percent. I wake up smiling and the day blossoms into a beautiful miracle. I make coffee while thinking what to write in my next mail ( i wish we could talk over the phone some day too) and share every random thought that pops up into my mind. His gentle smooth mannerisms have knocked me over. I feel so mushy and vulnerable when he treats me like a real princess. No wonder he is the prince of my dreams. He is a gentleman in all his ways. He knows all the right things to say and when it is alright to be
silent. He never overdoes anything. Everything with him is just right, not too sweet, not too sour; just perfect. We connect on an intellectual level as well. While hours are spent in tender love and care, we can equally share work experiences and life problems. It is such a smooth drive where we shift gears all the time but the tempo is never broken. We both harbor the love of poetry and the written word. We recite our poems, write each other lengthy letters and talk endlessly. Even with so much communication, there is always more to say.
People used to tell me that men do not like to talk a lot or be verbally expressive of emotions. That is all hearsay. He can cry and laugh with me over things that move either of us and yet he is such a brave and noble soul. We are made for each other and that is the only perfect compatibility possible. He is an impeccable fit to my needs and wants. With him, my femininity is potentiated for he is such an ideal man. I feel taken care of and protected in all ways possible and thus I find no shame in yielding to every whim of his heart. My happiness and prosperity is his primary consideration in whatever he does and says. My heart and soul kneels in his veneration. He owns me like a temple, decorated with his fervor and faith. I glow and bask in the radiance of his love and adoration. If only words could say how much he has blessed me with his love. The seeds of his devotion have sprung deep roots and will never wither or vanish.
I know that now we will live and die together and distance or time will never separate us. I am so surprised that so many things about true love were just a myth while so many others were completely true. The best experience is the deep contentment that makes the entire world seem flawless and one can reach up to the stars. It is the constant sense of elation that makes impossibilities possible. It takes no effort to smile or laugh or talk ones heart away. The free flow of emotions and the natural comfort zone is beyond my wildest imagination. I can be whoever I want to be and still know that I am loved unconditionally. It is like being home with family after a long and tiring journey with complete strangers. And the ease with which one can sleep in the arms of a beloved and know at a subconscious level that everything is exactly as it should be is pure heaven.
Nothing compares to the peace and tranquility of a heart in love. The mere glimpse of a face, the sound of a voice and the touch of a hand can be more elating than jewels and diamonds. The thoughts linger on random features and small personal details that could not be as endearing in anyone else and yet we ponder over them endlessly. The heart is so filled with sensibility that the slightest cue turns on a cascade of emotions. It is as if the soul is brimming with joy and a single drop of bliss makes it spill over. I smile at the analogies I make. There is no comparison between worldly examples and the real feelings. It has to be felt to be truly known. And thus, as I feel this giddiness and euphoria of my true love, I realize that it actually feels like I am head over heels and falling uncontrollably in love with him.