Single Mothers in China.

By: Dr.Asmat Hayat ALVI.

Trend of being a single mother is on rise in China, since China opened its doors for foreign Investors. Chinese Society is changing face; adopting Western Life Style and Industrialized countries fashion, at the same time eroding good moral values and customs of their own ancestors. Before Western Investors came to China; girls and women of civilized Chinese Families don't like to enter into Sexual Relationship before proper wedding ceremony. Now most, among highly qualified girls and women of urban areas becoming single mothers without wedlock. It's very common to have sex before marriage in Chinese Society now; unacceptable few decades ago. Now most working girls enter in sexual relationship with their colleagues; sometimes foreigners. Most of time male disappears after announcement of pregnancy to avoid responsibility. Some highly paid girls decide to have baby after break up; in case of male fetus, because most of girls are too old to conceive again. Most of girls above thirties afraid their chances of conceiving again are bleak in future. Girls, who decide to carry on pregnancy, buy paternity for their male fetus. Girls usually pay fifty thousand to one hundred thousand yuan [Chinese Currency] (six thousand to twelve thousand US dollars) to a male; who is ready to give his name as a father; to avoid penalty imposed under the law of One Child Policy. Under birth-control or one child policy in Capitol, unmarried women must pay one hundred and twenty thousand yuan as fine to be allowed to deliver a baby.    

Financial worries and social discrimination aside, single mothers in China face a host of other hurdles because unmarried women aren't allowed to have a child under One Child Policy. This is the only option for Educated Professional women in China; who become pregnant without wedlock; to have babies rather than abort pregnancy as required by law. Without marriage papers, their children would have been denied hukou; a residency-permit in China. Without hukou access to Education, job, social and other benefits given by state is not permitted. Without marriage certificate a woman is not allowed to give birth at state recognized hospitals on subsidized rates.

Statics about children born by unmarried women are patchy as no official data is available. Shanghai Women's Federation registered such cases; forty three in 2003 more than double registered in 2001. Another aid-group of women working in Beijing, registered figures of boys born by women without wedlock; twenty-two in 2001, forty-one in 2003, eighty-one in 2005, one forty-four in 2007 and two sixty-two in 2009, surprisingly almost doubled after every couple of years.

Social-workers say it’s really very hard to gauge the real number of unmarried mothers in China because most of them hide their identities. But from media reports and surveys made by some reliable groups; we can say, "there has been sharp increase in such cases in recent years."

China rapid and sudden economic growth within very short period brought a lot of unwanted drastic changes in society. A huge population is mobilized from far flung rural areas of China towards big industrial zones and urban areas. Sudden economic growth and huge mobilization eroded moral values of people. Now most people care about themselves, not about their relationship with others. Marital relationship is hard hit by this economic growth. Most young males want sexual relationship but don't want to share economic burden of any new comer. Among women better educated, financially strong and independent have no other choice to raise their boy babies their own. Mostly highly educated women say, "I love my baby. I don't want to marry again. I can afford to raise my boy alone."

Artificial insemination is another option for those rich, highly qualified women who want to lead an independent life as well as want a child. In 2002 authorities of Jilin; northwest province of China, introduced an unprecedented law which allow unmarried women to conceive with medical assistance; a procedure called AID [Artificial Insemination by Donor's Sperm]. But the Health Ministry banned such procedures a year later as AID erodes traditional family values and undermines the social structure of Chinese Society. Now wealthy women, who want a baby, pay much more money to private clinics for AID than before.

"From a humane perspective, we should respect unmarried women's right to become mothers. But we have a larger male population than female. If we encourage our women to conceive and have babies out of wedlock, there'll be an even larger group of single men and gender ratio will be more imbalanced in China. It's bad for our social harmony, "says Xia Xueluan, a sociology professor at Beijing University. Xia, who has more knowledge on social issues than any other professor; points out practical and social aspects of being a single mother in China. "It's not easy to raise a child alone," Xia says. "Many children can't get enough care from their mothers and have psychological problems; haunting throughout life.        

Many mothers feel guilty after wasting many years of life as single mothers. Mostly admit, "Our children are timid and behave sickly because we can't give sufficient time to our children. To make up for the neglect many sensitive mothers give up their jobs; to look after their children. Many mothers say, "I was selfish; I was so desperate to be a mother; I can't forecast that I am harming future of my child. After this bitter experience; if given me chance again, I would not be a single mother."

Many single mothers don't feel in same way.  Some mothers defend their decision to keep their babies after break up with their friends. Many single mothers admit that their bosses, colleagues, neighbors and government officials don't support their decision of being single-mother; some are non co-operative on the issue.

As a marital affairs consultant, I personally feel pity for those women, who struggle hard for better education in their teens & twenties, work hard to achieve higher position in jobs in their thirties & forties and later become single mothers and live alone in their fifties &sixties.

Feb 27 2011.