My useless words

Parental communication with teens

By Dr. Asmat Hayat ALVI

Relationship between children and parents is crucial for character building and mental growth of every child. If relationship is balanced and healthy, then it’s beneficial for both parties and if unbalanced and unhealthy, then it’s damaging for both parties. For character building; teen years are very important for a child.

When children reach their teen years; their behavior change a lot and in some cases it twists almost one eighty degree; reason is very simple; with the start of teen years sex hormones start circulating in blood stream and in body fluids due to stimulation of sex glands. Sex glands in tropical, sub-tropical and hot areas of the world start working when child is eleven or twelve years old; in some cases and in some races, two or three years earlier or later.

Children’s feelings change and their habits as well as, due to rising amount of sex hormones in the body. Teen’s mood swings a lot, sometimes feel happy and sometimes sad. Sometimes children are emotional and sometimes feel wired. Sometimes their questions seem stupid and crazy. Many parents, teachers and elders discourage or rebuke teens instead of giving them proper answers for their questions; especially if questions are sex related. It’s not bad to ask about sex; it’s first right of every child to ask questions and seek proper guidance from parents and teachers on sex matters; when they reach in teen years. As teens grow up their relationship with their parents can be difficult if they are insulted by parents. They may feel embarrassed about hanging out with their mother or father and sometimes with both, if they are insulted every time for their behavior or questions.

In most families, living in urban areas; mother and father have to work and they have not enough time to talk with their teenage children. Children of such families can get into bad hands, if not given proper time and guidance.

Some working-class parents wish to talk and want to guide their teens but lack of time hinders their communication. Parents should keep in mind that they are working hard for brighter future of their children; if not guided properly their children can be spoiled by bad people of the society or by criminals. So, working parents should take a break from work and spend a day in a week, if not possible then an evening with children and talk openly even they find their teen’s questions stupid or nonsense.

Some teens are shy or timid; they don’t ask questions and keep quite always. Parents should understand their children’s habits and start talk themselves with teens, instead of waiting.

Human brain is very complex; some children are afraid to talk because they are traumatized by some violent scene or harassed by their class-mates, elders, teachers or some strangers stronger physically. If this is the case; parents should ask kindly and encourage children to talk about abuse, harassment, trauma and violence. If child is subject to some abusive person or criminal, parents should seek help of state authorities and police and at the same time consultation of some psychiatrist or psychologist, to resolve mental problems created by trauma, violence, harassment and abuse.                

April 28 2011