Farewell, My Love ...

BY Dr.Uzma Syed

Have you ever taken care of a bird whose wings are broken? I have. I felt the same compassion when I met you for the first time. You had something in you that drew me to you so powerfully even before we spoke a single word to each other. I had sensed this heartache that you speak of even before I knew your name. How? I cannot explain. Why? I can elucidate. I have myself been through the process of heartbreak and I know, in a very busy world no one bothers about the weak and injured. I know because I have been all alone facing the worst days of my existence. I had this compulsion to help you heal in order to feel more powerful inside my heart and soul. Every time you drew away from my care, I strived harder to convince you that sometimes bad things happen to you for no reason and at other times good things happen equally by chance. I understood when you were afraid of being hurt again, because you felt moved again. If you felt loved even for a moment, then half the healing is already done. I know you were talking about us when you said that there is someone who loves you whom you don't love back and she doesn’t understand even when you tell her. I smiled inwardly. I was right in wanting to free you of your bondage. You can make someone the happiest person in the world. Not me perhaps, because we are too different and because my platonic love will be insulted if I strive to steal your heart. I could never live with someone who did not love me. And I am certain you do not love me the way I do. 

I remember the first image I had of you. Your eyes don’t shine, they are ablaze. I am so sorry someone was cruel enough to give you heartache, but I hope some of the love and compassion I have shared with you will rub off on someone else someday. And you will love again, only this time make sure it’s someone worthy of your love. I know the pain of parting exceeds every joy that love can bring. But then this agony makes us beautiful people. Have faith that sometimes there are blessings waiting for us around the corner. I would like to be that blessing to you. You don't need to do anything to deserve it, just be thankful and be happy in matters of the heart. We are friends, always will be. But there is no compulsion in any way in this bond. You are free to leave anytime and return at will. I had the chance to make a difference in someone's life. That is my reward. I have another story to tell my heart when it doubts the goodness in people. That is my ulterior motive. Years later when I remember us, I will respect this young woman for her compassion and strength. She will be the "princess" in all the stories I tell my children and grandchildren because nobility eventually rules the world. For me, this inner peace is the greatest incentive. I know you will never understand why I am so nice to you. Neither will I. All I know is that love has many forms and this is one of them. 

I can only give you one assurance. Never doubt my intentions! I will do anything in my power to keep you from harm. And if someday someone hurts you again, save my name in the dormant recesses of your memory. Whenever you need a friend, remember one who keeps her promises. We have always talked a lot but never said much. Had we ever had a real conversation, this would have come up. But then, how would I make you feel (and act) like a hero, if I hadn't been so amiable? Just keep smiling and forget all the "bad things" that happened to you in the past. The best part of your life has yet to come. Don't let yesterdays ruin tomorrows. Fall in love, be genuine and heartfelt and say it all out loud! What are you afraid of? My worst fear is that love will pass you by and you would regret later at being too cautious. Don't be reckless but do take calculated risks. Invest in people, so that you can reap happiness tomorrow. Most of all don't let the kindness in your heart fade away. Pass on this compassion and care to someone else who needs it. You will be surprised at how love can heal, no wonder it makes the world go around. All that I can offer to you today is words of love and wisdom. A part of me wishes we could share more than mere words, but that will never materialize into reality.

As I write down these words to soothe away your sorrows, I heal a part of my own heart. I have gained a valuable insight into benevolence and empathy. I am sure someday we will meet again and I will be overjoyed to see the bright smile on your face that I have grown to love. We will be with other people and perhaps the true story of our heroic relationship will never be shared. But within our hearts we will be very proud of how gallantly we stood in the face of trouble and how noble was our stance. Some relations do not have names but are truly near and dear. I will write many stories about a brave young man who never let his tribulations break his spirit. You will remember a dreamily euphoric girl whose love and sweetness always puzzled you. And everyone else will wonder how two very different people can be friends for life. Somewhere in an e-mail I have an photograph of you. It will make me smile someday and a silent tear will bring back many memories that I have not even thought about in years. This picture is dedicated to me. I will miss the insanity and hope of youth and cry at everything that was not a part of the grand scheme of my life but mattered so much to me. At that moment the only thought that could trouble me would be if you had a safe flight after I healed your wings. I will hope that you found the love and companionship that I wished for you. Most of all I will pray that may you never feel lonely after I leave and think of me only transiently, if ever. It will break my heart if I find myself guilty of hurting you while parting. I will always love you from the depth of my heart and you will be well remembered in my prayers as long as I live.

This is my farewell letter to a very dear friend who is about to become a part of my past. He is someone with whom I can share myself freely and without hesitation, yet he will never be a major part of my existence. I am smiling because this is one promise that I have kept against all odds. I am crying because this parting has a bittersweet aftertaste. I still wonder what you will think when you read this letter, but as always you will never share your private thoughts. Unlike me you keep all matters of the heart securely sealed inside it. Unlike you, I have this compulsion to say it all while it still matters. I cannot carry the burden of regrets through life. Someday this letter will fall out of an old book and blink at the light of day. You will be surprised at how insanely naive I was. Perhaps you will reprimand the young man you used to be for not being expressive enough to this frivolous young girl. For that day remember that I could hear the words you left unsaid and read all the lines on your face. I knew every moment when you were happy, sad or lonely. Don’t ask me how I knew it, but I did. I guess I learnt the art of expression in the finest form where I could say anything and understand everything. I truly wish you all the best in life and hope your happiness and peace exceeds mine. Every time I pray, you will always be well remembered. Every time I smile, the thought of you will linger in my mind. And when we meet again, years lost to time will never truly matter and we can start off where we left each other. I have healed your wings and I wish you a safe flight. But a part of me still wants you in my care and a silent tear trickles down my cheek as I bid a final farewell to someone who never shows his love as much as I do to him. Adieu!